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Reciprocity principle
A gift creates a debt.
The reciprocity principle is the first of Robert Cialdini's principles of influence. It describes our deep habit of returning favors. When someone does something for us, we feel we should do something back, and that feeling switches on almost automatically, even if we never asked for the original favor.
Cialdini explains that this norm exists in human societies everywhere because it makes cooperation possible. People who trade favors can build trust and share resources over time. The same instinct, though, can be triggered on purpose. Free samples, small gifts from salespeople and concessions in a negotiation can create a sense of obligation that leads us to give back more than we received.
The mistake is responding by distrusting every kindness. Reciprocity is also the glue of friendship, family and good teams, and refusing all gifts would make life colder. A better defense is a simple test. Ask yourself whether you would make the same decision if the favor had never happened. If the answer is no, it is the gift that is pushing you, rather than the strength of the request itself.
Reciprocity is closely related to liking. A gift often makes us like the giver, and both effects push us toward yes at the same time.
Example
A real estate agent offers you a free home valuation and leaves a nice bottle of olive oil. A few weeks later, when you decide to sell, you feel awkward contacting other agents. You catch yourself and ask for three quotes, then choose based on commission and track record rather than the gift.
Try it this week
The next time someone does you a favor and then asks for something, ask whether you would agree if the favor had not happened.
From 7 Principles of Influence (Robert B. Cialdini · 1984).
