CODEXCard 5 of 7 · 7 Principles of Influence
Liking principle
We say yes to the people we like.
The liking principle is one of Robert Cialdini's principles of influence. It is simple to state: we say yes more easily to people we like. Cialdini describes several things that increase liking, including physical attractiveness, similarity, compliments, familiarity and working together toward shared goals.
This makes sense as a social instinct. We trust and help people we feel close to, which keeps friendships and groups together. But sales and marketing have learned to use it deliberately. A salesperson may look for common ground, offer compliments or build rapport over several meetings. Cialdini describes home selling parties where guests buy partly out of fondness for the friend hosting, not just interest in the products. The relationship ends up doing much of the selling.
The mistake is trying to become cold and suspicious of everyone you like. Liking a person often reflects real information about their character, and refusing all warmth would cost you a great deal. A better defense is to separate the person from the request. Picture the identical offer coming from someone you have never met, and let that version guide your choice.
Liking leads naturally to unity, the seventh principle. When liking deepens into a sense of shared identity, its influence becomes even stronger.
Example
A friendly car salesman discovers you grew up in the same small town and supports the same football team. The conversation is warm, and you feel close to signing for an expensive warranty. You imagine a stranger offering the same warranty, realize you would refuse, and decline politely.
Try it this week
When someone you like asks for a decision this week, imagine a stranger making the same request and decide from that view.
From 7 Principles of Influence (Robert B. Cialdini · 1984).
